Deviant ~ Jaime Roberts

Deviant by Jaimie Roberts
My rating: 1 of 5 stars

DNF @ 43%

What. The. Ever. Living. Hell. Was. THAT?!?

WARNING: Bitchy, snarky rantfest ahead

What was with this woman and her fucking voodoo magic? Her pussy seemed to have me under some kind of hypnotic spell

Really, dude? Really?
i like a good dark and twisty story as much as the next smutty girl, but this was just ridiculous.


 


I don't enjoy writing negative reviews. I really don't. However sometimes, it's just something that has to be done. And it's impossible to sugar coat things. This book was a mess. A super sloppy, overt the top mess. And not even in a remotely entertaining way.

The female lead boggles my mind. I understand the fact that she has this fantasy of being "taken" by a stranger, But the fact that she knows that someone has been stalking her....breaking into her house and changing little things just to get under her skin...and her attitude is basically "Oh well! It is what it is."...Well call me nutty, but that seems a wee bit crazy.

When the guy takes it to the next level and begins having uncomfortable-to-read wild monkey sex with her, all the while verbally abusing her....well, i knew me and this book were not going to get along very well. By the time he told her to start calling him "Lotus", I knew it was time for me to make a run for the border and delete this book from my Kindle as fast as possible before my IQ dropped any further.

 
 


"There is one thing you need to know about me, Tyler. I fuck, and I'm going to fuck you until you see the stars falling out of the sky. Do you understand?"

 
 
 


There is a fine line between Alpha male, and creepy weirdo. "Mr Lotus" leaps over into the creepy whack-a-do category about 10 pages in and it only goes downhill from there. I honestly didn't think anything would top Sleeves as the worst book I read in 2014, but look out people! There's a new King in town.

*steps off my snarky, bitchy soap box*
 

Sleeves ~ Chanse Lowell

Sleeves by Chanse Lowell
My rating: 1 of 5 stars

If ever there was a book that could be described as bi-polar, it would be this fucking train wreck.

I honestly don't even know where to start with this. Sleeves was hands down, far and flipping away the weirdest, most insane hot mess of a book I have ever come across



It would be pointless for me to try and explain the plot to you. Mainly because I *still* don't understand it myself. I will say that even though it was confusing, ridiculous and about as un-sexy as you can get with a 'romance'...it kept me reading. Mainly so I could see how the hell it all turned out in the end.

The main character...Mr Cage Man as i referred to him in my head while reading...is probably the most messed up, deeply disturbed leading man I have read about in quite a while. Including Nathan from the Breach series (btw, the author of Breach, K.I. Lynn, is one of the editors of this book. Make of that what you will.). I realize that Lowell 'explains' the reason behind his...eccentricities, but it doesn't change the fact that he is still one helluva twisted whackadoo.




And then we have Casey. The female lead....who accepts all of Cage Man's insanity with a smile on her face. Never questions that he might have a few screws loose. Never bats an eye. That right there makes her even more creepy than Baby Hulk (another one of my nicknames for Cage Man).



Again, I usually avoid writing negative reviews. And I realize some people have read and enjoyed this book, and more power to them. This was just...not for me.






View all my reviews

Beautiful Disaster ~ Jaime McGuire

Beautiful Disaster by Jamie McGuire
My rating: 1 of 5 stars

I FINISHED IT!!!

Yeah...that's about the most positive thing I can say about this train wreck of a novel.

I made many attempts to read this book over the last year. So many of my friends here on GR and out in the real world absolutely LOVED this book and kept promising me that once I got into the story I would fall in love with Travis the way they had. So, for that reason...and because I am just too stubborn for my own good...I kept trying.

A friendly warning...spoilers and ranting ahead. Consider yourself warned. :)

This book definitely seems polarizing. It seems like most people either have it on their list of favorite books, or they think it's the worst thing ever written. I really wish I was a part of the first camp. I mean, reading this would have been a helluva lot more enjoyable if I had loved it. As it was, Beautiful Disaster ended up being one of the most frustrating, trying-to-resist-slamming-my-Kindle-into-the-wall, migraine-inducing reads I have ever had.



First of all, I didn't have a problem with the writing, per say. Jamie McGuire is a decent author. My main problem were the characters and their behavior. I have never...and I mean NEVER encountered a book so full of annoying characters in my life. In fact, I would have to say the character that annoyed me the least was in fact Travis, and considering how unsettled and creeped out I was by some of his behavior...that statement is pretty damn scary to make. But, it's true.

America...the worlds most useless best friend. One second she's encouraging Abby to go out with her ken doll suitor Parker, and then the next she is raging at her for not being with Travis. I have never seen a character flip-flop more in my life. Another example: When Travis stumbles home from the bar with 2 girls and Abby gets her feelings hurt about it (even though she has repeatedly stated that she can only be friends with Travis and doesn't care what he does), America rushes to Abby's defense and flips out on Travis for disrespecting Abby. Then...she does a COMPLETE about face a short time later, and argues with Abby that she's being unreasonable by being pissed at Travis because she's giving him mixed signals etc. Oh...and let's not forget the fact that America not only supported Abby's decision to slam back 15 or so shots at her 19th birthday party...but berated everyone else for showing any concern for Abby's potential date with alcohol poisoning. Now that's friendship!



Travis' cousin, roommate and unfortunate boyfriend of America Shep, and Parker Abby's on again, off again, who-gives-a-sh*t-at-this-point suitor are both ridiculously one-dimensional. As are the "bad guys" who pop up at the end of the book. And then...we have Abby. Quite possibly the most annoying character of all time (or at least the most annoying character that I have come across in a looooong time).




She is obnoxious, flighty and self-centered. She is not satisfied unless everyone around her is focused on her wants and needs (despite her half-hearted claims to the contrary). And for someone who supposedly moved away to escape the stigma of her former life, she sure didn't seem all that phased by all the people talking about her at school. Travis and yes, even America seemed far more upset about the rumors swirling around the high schoolcollege about her relationships with Travis and Parker. Which brings me to my next point; how could anyone with more than 1 brain cell act surprised that people (especially the childish kind of people that populate this book) would think she was dating Travis when she was....um, living with him? And, oh yeah...going out on dates with him!!!



Now, I would be remiss if I didn't comment on probably the most infamous scene in the entire book. The Post-Virginity-Taking-Freak-Out.

Okay. Now, for the first 40% of the book I knew that Travis was more than a little obsessive. Controlling. Had anger issues. But when we hit that magical 42%...that was when all hell broke loose and the crazy really began to fly! Let me just say that Abby's slinking out of the apartment in the middle of the night was beyond ridiculous and I could understand Travis being hurt by it. But....BUT...his reaction to it...ripping the door off it's hinges, tearing his bed apart, pretty much trashing his entire apartment? That was the point when this book went from Crazy Town, into run for the hills and bring a shotgun to protect yourself Raving Lunatic City.

Make no mistake about it....Travis' behavior is not right. It's not romantic. It's not the behavior of someone I would consider a Hero. The fact that so many people disagree with me, boggles my mind. I mean, he is the runaway leader in a GR poll for Favorite Book Boyfriend. What?!?! Sure he may love Abby and be willing to change who is is in order to keep her (even though 1 - she doesn't deserve the devotion and 2- having to change who you are to make someone else happy....even if you're a violent, possessive & controlling caveman...is not the basis for a good relationship to being with...but i digress...), but he is so far away from my idea of a true hero or leading man that it's kind of scary to think that so many women want...him. But...that's just me. Like I said, I am very much in the minority in regards to Travis, so if you dig that kind of thing....more power to you. I just think that if someone acted the way he did in real life? He would not be flying off to Vegas with Abby to tie the knot, he would be in prison.

*end of rant*

Beautiful Bastard ~ Christina Lauren

Beautiful Bastard by Christina Lauren
My rating: 1 of 5 stars

*ARC provided by edelweiss & Gallery Books*

*deeep, cleansing breath*

My first thought after finishing this was...
WHY THE FRACK DID I JUST WASTE MY AFTERNOON READING THIS?!?

Honestly, I had heard some...shall we say...interesting things about this book, so I didn't exactly go into it thinking it was going to be much more than a fun read. What I ended up with was a hot mess the likes of which I have come across very rarely in my life as a book nerd.



Let me just say, I have nothing against fan fiction. In fact, I have written my fair share of it in the past. So, it's not like I had a problem with this book starting out as Twilight fanfic. But, this book was just beyond ridiculous. I know some people enjoyed it for the mere fact that some of the scenes and dialogue were funny (and obviously not intentionally so), but for me...the enjoyment ended at around the 25% mark. By that point I was so sick of the angry (and not at all erotic) sex scenes and inane dialogue that I had to start skimming in order to make it to the end.

The dialogue....oh sweet muppets in space, the dialogue was horrible. I know this sounds harsh, but I swear sometimes it came off as being written by a demented 5 year old. I mean, in comparison Fifty Shades was eloquent & heartfelt. And I am all for a good smutty read, but I do like a bit of a story line to go along with the sex. The attempt at a 'plot' here was half-hearted at best, and ended up as nothing more than filler to break up what would have otherwise been just one incredibly long and drawn out sex scene.

There is nothing new here. Nothing interesting. Arrogant, rich & impossibly gorgeous businessman finds himself drawn to his beguiling and sassy employee. Both parties half-heartedly try to resist the temptation to hump like bunnies and hold off for all of about 30 seconds. Rinse and repeat.

And a review for this book would not be complete without mentioning Bennett's obsession with panties. He keeps a drawer full of all the ones he's ripped off of Chloe during their angry sex sessions.



I wish i could have embraced this book the way some people have. Maybe the fact that I have burned myself out on all the Fifty Shades clones out there and it clouded my judgement. But this book was just one long, painful fail for me.

This Man ~ Jodi Ellen Malpas

This Man by Jodi Ellen Malpas
My rating: 1 of 5 stars

Attempting to write a review for this book without allowing myself to go off on a rant about everything that bothered me about the story would be next to impossible. So, consider yourself warned.




I am a fan of the Alpha Male character in books. Hell, gimme an Uber-Alpha Male and I'm an even happier girl. But...there is a difference between being an Alpha Male and being an obnoxious bully. Sometimes the lines blur, but in the case of this book...there is no question that the character of Jesse Ward is a first class asshat.

Let me make this clear: There is nothing sexy about Jesse's behavior in this book. Nothing. He becomes obsessed with and begins systematically stalking Ava after their first encounter. Calling her phone dozens of times and when she refuses to answer he goes out and gets a new cell phone so he can trick her by calling her from another phone number. Showing up at her house in the middle of the night, banging on her door and screaming like a madman until she lets him in. Calling and blowing up at her for not calling him as soon as she got home after spending the night with him (oh, and did I mention the fact that she wanted to return home the night before but he physically restrained her from leaving?). I'm sorry, but if someone acted like that in real life, his ass would get arrested pretty damn quick.

As far as the sex scenes go...I am far from a prude. In fact a large portion of the books I have read in 2012 have been erotica & BDSM related. Having said that, in my opinion there is nothing sexy about basically forcing a particular sex act on someone regardless of the fact that the woman 'ended up liking it'. After that scene it became increasingly difficult for me to continue on to the end of this book.

Oh, and did i mention how Malpas described Jesse as being twitchy, having clammy hands and having a habit of heavy breathing on Ava?!



As others have mentioned, this book is by an independent British author who continually uses many British terms that are unfamiliar. I can pretty much ignore that most of the time and something like that very rarely makes me enjoy a good book less. However, here I found myself downright confused at times. Ava repeatedly describes Jesse's eyes as being "sludgy". Now, I am assuming that the author meant this in a positive way (considering she uses the term when Ava is waxing poetic about how impossibly perfect Jesse is), but it just didn't compute with me. Maybe's it's some obscure British-ism, but it was especially distracting given how many times the author used the term.

Speaking of which...and I feel like I'm having a Fifty Shades of Grey flashback here, but this author was extremely repetitive. Jesse was continually yelling at Ava about cursing ("Watch your mouth, lady!") even while cursing himself. And dear Lord in heaven I think I speak for everyone who read this book when I ask the following question:

HOW OLD IS JESSE WARD???!!!???

I really wish the author had cleared that up because I was so damn sick of Ava pontificating about it throughout the book. In the beginning, Ava comments that Jesse looks to be in his early 30's, but at other times she acts like he is a dirty old man and must be in his 40's or 50's because she constantly comments about how much older he is than her (even though she is in her mid 20's). That was just one more aspect of the story line that I found maddening.

Despite what it might sound like given the tone of this review, I did go into this book with an open mind, wanting to like it. Unfortunately it was 100% not for me.